V for Very Little Legroom

24 Oct

I consider myself an easygoing and friendly person. I enjoy making small talk with cashiers, I hold the door open for strangers, and I like hearing about the days of my friends and family.

But for some reason, I have a specific situation that turns me into a passive-aggressive monster.

I’m a relative expert on how I conduct myself in air travel. When I’m in my seat on the plane, I have my things arranged in a space-saving and legroom-friendly way. The plane takes off and I lean as close as I can toward the window, chewing gum (the package conveniently being in the seat pocket, the wrapper waiting in my pocket so I can spit it out before the drink cart comes). I read my book for a bit and flex my toes.

And then.

The seatbelt light is turned off; they announce we can move about the plane freely. And inevitably, the person sitting in front of me leans their seat all the way back.

I want to give them an impassioned speech. “Excuse me. I couldn’t help but notice that you decided to lean your seat back all the way, as it is now currently crushing my knees. Look, you have a really tiny amount of space here. I get it, because I have literally the exact same amount of space. It’s hard to be comfortable. But can we find a middle ground? A way to make your seat comfortable without ruining mine? Please, let us build a community of friendly passengers! We’re all on this plane together! We support each other and love our neighbors! Don’t you want to support the common good? Then for the love of America, or whatever country we’re flying to, please… don’t… shrink… my… space!” (Followed by what I can only assume will be cheering and applause, as well as flags waving in the background Les Mis-style.)

But since I can’t do that, mainly because there are no guaranteed flags/patriotic music, I turn to the only option I have left: WAR.

…in an incredibly non-confrontational way. (I can’t just lean my seat back in response – not only would that crush the person behind me in the same way I’m being crushed, it also doesn’t help my knees.)

I won’t go into detail as to my combat techniques, as I don’t want my modern warfare to spread across the skies. Although I will say that a personal favorite was leaving my reading light on while I went to the bathroom. If she didn’t want it shining in her face for no reason, SHE SHOULD HAVE SAT UP.

Instead, I want to know – what’s that one situation that turns you into an unrecognizable demon with a vendetta for justice? Is it getting cut off in traffic? Dealing with the cable company? Seeing another table who came in after you getting their food first? Being a test subject for a disease that leads to the overthrow of the British government and the rise of an oppressive dictatorship?

Oops, that last one might be fictional.


“Passengers should not be afraid of their seats. Seats should be afraid of their passengers.”

Anyway, leave a comment and let me know!


2 Responses to “V for Very Little Legroom”

  1. Verna October 24, 2016 at 6:42 pm #

    Mine is when people cut around everyone one the drive-thru to take the far right spot because they believe you should pick a lane instead of waiting for the next available. You know, those single lanes that have a yellow “Y” painted on the ground to indicate how it’s supposed to work? Maybe it’s McDonalds fault for not putting up cones to prevent such unfair and selfish behavior……especially before my morning caffeine.

  2. Sandra Bernstein October 24, 2016 at 11:04 pm #

    How about when a**wipes go into the 10 items or less line at the grocery store with a cart full of groceries? And then the check out person doesn’t boot them out of line? GRRRRR!

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